Wednesday, June 25, 2008

and I should continue to listen to you now because?

We had a proofreading seminar at work earlier this week. A proofreading "expert" gave us tips via video conference. Handouts for the seminar were given to everyone that attended. The expert got through points one and two on the handout. It was point three where we ran into some trouble. Note to self: If you're ever leading a proofreading seminar and someone asks about the mistake on the handout, act like it was a test. Act like that was SUPPOSED to be jacked up to see if people were paying attention.

Point three stated the following: Ways to Proofread, part 1 (sample practice exercises provided to be provided near end of seminar)

Nice work lady. Yeah, you're real credible.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

spiders

So last night I had a dream that I was laying on the couch and a tarantula looking spider crawled up onto the arm of the couch by my feet. Oddly enough I was not distraught over a huge spider crawling up onto the couch. Then the spider shot some webbing at some bug on the floor next to me and started to reel the bug in. Can spiders reel in their webbing? Well, this is my dream damn it- they can reel if they want to. Anyway, so the spider is reeling in the bug and the webbing is kind of going across my body and the end of the webbing gets stuck in my finger because there were barbs on the end of the string of web. Again, this is my dream damn it. So, I get the barb out of my finger and all the sudden the tarantula attacks me. I shut my eyes and started screaming as the tarantula spun a web around my middle finger on my right hand and cut off the circulation. I think I threw the spider off of me at that point and was still screaming while I was trying to cut the web off of my finger with some scissors.
I wonder what all this means? Stop smoking crack perhaps?

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Ok- I'm still seeing weird people...

I went to the grocery on Sunday around 8pm. Primetime for weirdos at the grocery, apparently. I got halfway through the store, stopped to pick up some cottage cheese, and a man approached me from out of nowhere. He said "I love your haircolor. Is that natural?" I told him no and then he proceeded to ask me what color it is and what color they use on my hair. Ok- a) why do you care? are you planning on dying your hair this color? b) my hair is obviously brown with tints of red- how do you think they make this color, genius? by mixing red and brown perhaps? Perhaps you should go back to 1st grade art class.

So I get my cottage cheese and move on to the dairy section in the back of the store. As I'm quickly strolling down the aisle, another man stops me and says, "Excuse me," as he holds up a pack of shredded cheese, "can you melt this?" WHAT? He goes on to ask if you can melt it and pour it on stuff like broccoli. Dude, it's cheese.

I FINALLY made it to the front of the store only to have to wait in line behind 6 people at the checkout. The man in front of me thought he saw another checkout line about to be opened so he went over to the other line only to learn that it was a Kroger employee checking out another Kroger employee. When he realized this, he yelled "Y'all need to open another line!" and then walked back to his spot in front of me. He THEN turns to me and says, "This is like waiting at the bank!" Umm.. ok. He continues, "You know, I just got back from Tampa and everyone wants to wait on you there- you sit down at a restaurant and BAM! You get drinks, salad, bread before you can even count to 2! You know, I'm from Georgia, and I'm really starting to hate this state." Dude, over a long check out line at Kroger? Seriously? He finally made it to the checkout belt and he holds up his Cherry Cordial ice cream and says, "You see this here? This stuff is addicting." I don't care. Finally he was paying and he continues, "I went to Florida once and basically gave 3 pints of blood to the state bird. Mosquitoes. At night, you run your hands across your leg like this, you come up with a whole handful of those suckers!"
Shoot me.