Thursday, February 14, 2008

when good deeds go bad

As I approached the counter at Starbucks this morning, I was pleasantly surprised that their was only one person in line. This person however was standing at the cash register with her purse open, wallet on top, and saying something to the barista making her drink. When I got closer, I heard the customer ask if they could break a $100 bill. (sidenote: who takes $100 to Starbucks for a $3 coffee?) The girl working the register said that they couldn't break the bill. The barista then chimes in with a laundry list of other forms of payment they could accept: credit card, personal check.. (sidenote: you're an asshole if you ever write a check for a Starbucks coffee. I'm just saying- don't let me get stuck in line behind you while you're writing a check for coffee on your pink, kitten checks.) Anywho, the customer had no other form of payment so I offered to buy her drink. Ok ok - so my impatience of waiting in line is coming across as a good deed- is that so bad? I just wanted to buy her drink so I could get my damn coffee. So, she's all 'that's so nice. thank you so much. happy valentine's day' yadda yadda yadda. I proceed to order my drink. The barista steps over to the cash register and says, "That was really nice of you, we'll take care of the drink." Yep, she said drink. Not drinks. The bitch comped the other lady's drink and let me pay for mine. How kind. Way to pay it forward, biatch.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

coury enjoys my misfortune part II: the bonnie and clyde edition

A couple weekends ago, Malik and I were at a friend's house playing Guitar Hero into the wee hours of a Friday night. We left their house around 1 or 2am and decided to call in an order to the local 24 hour restaurant, Ken's Corner Grill. We arrived at Ken's pretty quickly; before our order would have been ready so we decided to sit in Malik's truck for a few. While we were sitting in the truck a cop car pulled into the parking lot behind us. Malik and I didn't really think anything of it- we've seen cops eating at Ken's multiple times late at night. This cop, however, just sat behind Malik's truck and didn't pull into a parking spot. A few minutes later, this cop turns on his lights and the big giant spotlight, comes over the loud speaker, and says "Driver turn the ignition off and put your hands out the window!" Well, Malik's driver side window is broken so I roll mine down and scream, "The driver side window is broken!" So, the cop kept repeating himself, I kept repeating myself. Finally the cop (genius) says, "Driver, roll down the back passenger window, and put your hands out!" Christ! It was like playing Twister. Then the cop tells me, the renegade passenger, to put my hands out my window. As soon as I did that, he approached Malik's side and asked him to come to the back of the truck. I couldn't hear what they were saying. A few minutes later, a cop standing about 5 feet behind the truck (I guess I looked dangerous), yells for me to get out and step to the back of the truck. I get out, walk to the back of the truck. It is at this time, I realize that there are now FIVE cop cars surrounding Malik's truck- all with their spot lights on us. Those of you reading this that are from Fort Thomas, now know that Smyrna police have nothing to do just like Fort Thomas cops. FIVE cop cars, are you kidding me?! So, I' m at the back of the truck. Malik is standing next to me. I do not know what came over me, as I'm usually the respectful, yes sir yes ma'am, polite type when it comes to law enforcement but it must have been all the Guitar Hero and wanting to be a rockstar, I looked at the cop closest to me and said, very tersely, "what is all this about?" He responded by asking me if I had any weapons on me. Yeah, you know me, always carrying around weapons. I said no, and he promptly decided to search me, spread eagle across the back of the truck. Nice. Finally, two of the FIVE cops started to explain that there had been a shooting in the area and a truck similar to Malik's had been involved. Please explain to me what kind of genuis would be involved in a shooting and then go order some food at Ken's Corner Grill and sit in the parking lot?! No one! The cops couldn't deduce by those actions alone that they had the wrong truck? LORD! Looks like none of these guys will be applying for an FBI post anytime soon.

Anyway, the cops (ever so nicely) let me go inside Ken's, as it was pretty cold out that night, and pick up our food. Apparently, a few minutes later they apologized to Malik and Malik came inside, we picked up our late night snack, and Bonnie and Clyde went home.

Friday, February 01, 2008


Well, when I typed in "shot in hell" into Google, I expected that one of the first results would be the Giants beating the Patriots in the superbowl. Instead, the first hit was some jackass's blog in Delaware writing about politics and other nerd nonsense.

Anywho, I'll be pulling for the Giants on Sunday. I'm a fan of the Giants and I'm an even bigger NON fan of Tom Brady. While I am realistic, and the Patriots probably will win, I'm still hoping the G-Men can pull out a "shot in hell" victory.