Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
So, I was at Subway tonight picking up dinner. There was a man in line in front of me. He was at the portion of the sandwich order when he tells how to dress the sandwich i.e. lettuce, tomatoes, etc. Well, I'm telling my Subway guy what I want on my sandwich and me and the other guy in line said "oil and vinegar" at the same time. The guy in line turned and looked at me and said "WHOA. We just had cross sandwichation." Oh for the love! Then he moved to pay and turned to me again and said, "You really sound like you know what you're doing making those sandwiches. I'm totally lost. You should be a Subway consultant." A Subway consultant? WOW. If anyone needs guidance putting together a Subway sandwich, let me know.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
My 4th of July was pretty uneventful. Malik and I went to a friend's house and played the American Idol game on XBox. It's basically like kareoke but you have to keep the correct pitch and sing the right words of the song in order to get points to stay in the game. I'm not sure how or why I had the courage to do this seeing as I was completely sober but I sang four songs infront of a room of people. The highlights were singing "Copacabana" and "Bohemian Rhapsody". Try singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" keeping a perfect pitch and getting all the words. Some of my favorite lyrics: Scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango, Galileo figaro-magnifico, and Bismillah! no,we will not let you go. What the f*ck?
That's it folks. I'll be here all week-making an ass of myself.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Point three stated the following: Ways to Proofread, part 1 (sample practice exercises provided to be provided near end of seminar)
Nice work lady. Yeah, you're real credible.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I wonder what all this means? Stop smoking crack perhaps?
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
So I get my cottage cheese and move on to the dairy section in the back of the store. As I'm quickly strolling down the aisle, another man stops me and says, "Excuse me," as he holds up a pack of shredded cheese, "can you melt this?" WHAT? He goes on to ask if you can melt it and pour it on stuff like broccoli. Dude, it's cheese.
I FINALLY made it to the front of the store only to have to wait in line behind 6 people at the checkout. The man in front of me thought he saw another checkout line about to be opened so he went over to the other line only to learn that it was a Kroger employee checking out another Kroger employee. When he realized this, he yelled "Y'all need to open another line!" and then walked back to his spot in front of me. He THEN turns to me and says, "This is like waiting at the bank!" Umm.. ok. He continues, "You know, I just got back from Tampa and everyone wants to wait on you there- you sit down at a restaurant and BAM! You get drinks, salad, bread before you can even count to 2! You know, I'm from Georgia, and I'm really starting to hate this state." Dude, over a long check out line at Kroger? Seriously? He finally made it to the checkout belt and he holds up his Cherry Cordial ice cream and says, "You see this here? This stuff is addicting." I don't care. Finally he was paying and he continues, "I went to Florida once and basically gave 3 pints of blood to the state bird. Mosquitoes. At night, you run your hands across your leg like this, you come up with a whole handful of those suckers!"
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Well, I got on the plane, helped a lady get her heavy carry on into an overhead bin, and was feeling just as perky as ever. I was wide awake when the flight attendants came around with the drink cart. I was in the last row of the plane so when the drink cart finally made it to me, I was all smiles. Well, apparently a little too smiley because the male flight attendant, who had blonde highlights and a unibrow, proceeded to push the cart past me while pinching my cheek. (On my face! dirty minds!) He then came back and said, with a thick accent, "what would you like to drink sweetie?" I asked for ginger ale and he said "do you want ice?" Oh my God, I've never been given this option before. Just give me a damn drink! Finally he came back. "Here you go sweetie". Well, I think I have been cured of motion sickness for sure because if this didn't make me puke, nothing will.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
I decide to pick up something for Malik too. God forbid he have any of my ice cream. So, I'm walking out of the ice cream aisle juggling 3 pints of ice cream. Ok ok, I got an extra one just in case I didn't like the Ben & Jerry's Half Baked. Two rather feminine gentleman turn down the aisle walking towards me. One looks at me and says, "Well aren't you lovely?" (I find this funny as I'm juggling 3 pints of ice cream). I responded, "Thank you!". And he said, "Don't thank me, honey, thank your parents." Alrighty then. Mom, Dad- thanks!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
Well, when I typed in "shot in hell" into Google, I expected that one of the first results would be the Giants beating the Patriots in the superbowl. Instead, the first hit was some jackass's blog in Delaware writing about politics and other nerd nonsense.
Anywho, I'll be pulling for the Giants on Sunday. I'm a fan of the Giants and I'm an even bigger NON fan of Tom Brady. While I am realistic, and the Patriots probably will win, I'm still hoping the G-Men can pull out a "shot in hell" victory.