Monday, November 12, 2007

Mr Bean has beans for dinner

Last Wednesday I went up to the community center to run on the indoor track while Malik was playing basketball. I get upstairs to the track and start stretching. Since, I usually go at the same time everytime I go to run at the center, I usually see the same people. On this night, there was a new strange man walking the track.
This man looked like Mr Bean but he was probably only 5 feet tall. Mr Bean also looked like he just got off work at the grease factory where he appears to be the team leader of the grease clean up department.
So, Mr Greasy Bean is walking the track. I start running the track. As I come up behind Mr GB, I realize that he's carrying hand weights. Now, he's not swinging or curling the hand weights, he's holding them... at his side... while he's walking. I do another lap, come up behind Mr GB again. I then realize that he's holding the hand weights with what appear to be napkins. So, wait wait wait. Mr GB, who just got off work at the grease factory, doesn't want to get all germy from holding weights? Ok.
It is at this point that I realize that Mr GB is holding 2 different color weights which, being a person that is in the gym a lot, means he's holding 2 different SIZE weights. Mr GB is holding a green 3lbs. weight in his left hand and a pink 8lbs. weight in his right hand.
Just so we're all on the same page, let's summarize: I'm running on the inside lane of the track, Mr GB is walking on the outside lane of the track holding a 3lbs weight and a 8lbs weight with napkins.
Now, I get to about lap 8 when Mr GB decides to drop a SBD... a silent but deadly fart. So, I'm coming around the track and run smack into this GOD AWFUL, kill your first born, did you eat roadkill for dinner?, I think you need to go change your pants, smell. And I've been running so you know I'm already breathing hard. That shit lingered for FIVE laps.

9 comments:

Knarf Notneb said...

To those who are concerned: I am "Mr. G.B." and I have an explaination for all of this. I saw on QVC that walking with unequal weight in your hands strengthens balance. As a sufferer of vertigo, I need improvement in this area. I have a stomach flu, and was being a considerate gym patron by using the napkins. I can't deny the smell (stomach flu). But I am one balanced SBD machine who cares for those at the gym so not as to infect them with this God-awful gas disease.

MissIker said...

I'm on to you Knarf. And remember that I used to babysit your ass and am hip to all of the backwards talk... Frank. =)
Take some Gotdamn gas X or something.

aylimrev said...

I have no idea what you are talking about.

Jenny said...

Even I now who knarf notneb is!!! I also know aylimrev!! Does the phrase "DIE VERMILYA!" ring a bell?????????

htfifeht said...

bells may or may not be ringing.

htfifeht said...

And Jenny, I think you may be addicted to question marks. We can talk about it if you wish.

jenny said...

you can't plead the fifth around here. That no workie. And what would you say if I told you I was addicted to question marks?????? Did you say wood????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Knarf said...

Your problem is worse than I thought. Maybe an intervention is in order.

Ikes said...

Knarf...I can tell that the law program has really sharpened your rational thinking skills. For one to deduce all of that from missiker's description shall earn you a degree in criminal defense with an emphasis on flatulance detection. Bravo...Bravo! I am addicted to elipses.