Thursday, July 05, 2007

Fourth of July

My fourth of July began with some early afternoon shopping, a quick trip to Starbucks and picking up lunch for Malik and me. Malik told me just get something for him from wherever I stopped. Great! Ladies Choice! I decided on Quizno’s. I pulled into the strip mall where Quizno’s is located. Our buddies at Quizno’s decided to observe the fourth of July holiday and were closed. So, I made my way back out onto the main road. Decided then I would get Burger King for Malik and stop at Subway for myself. At this juncture, I’m getting teensy bit aggravated that I now have to stop at two places, one of which does not have a drive thru (oh! the horror!) I park, get out, walk into Subway. The line is wrapped around the inside. AWESOME! You see how hard it is to eat healthy, Jared?! You’re a crock, Jared. You and your Subway nonsense. Meanwhile, back in the line. I get behind Indecisive McGee who can’t make up her damn mind which bread to pick. Oh MY GOD! You’ve been in line for 10 minutes! Were you not thinking about what you wanted to order in those 10 minutes? Or at the very least, what kind of bread you wanted? A few “umm”s and ‘I’ll take Italian…No Three Cheese… No Wheat”s later, Indecisive McGee finally had bread nailed down. At this juncture, I’ve become quite a bit more aggravated. This is when I over here the teenager down the row telling the Subway worker what to put on his sandwich. “Yea, I would like lettuce, pickles, mayos…” Hey kid, what in the hell is mayos? I finally get down to the end to pay. I just wanted a sandwich. I didn’t want a damn drink and chips. Mr Cashier, who takes his job way too seriously, rings me up. After my credit card goes thru, Mr Cashier hands me a cup. Looking at the cup in disgust, I say “I don’t want this. I just want my sandwich.” Mr Cashier says, “No! Deal! We have deal! We have deal. You take!” Christ! Jared, you see how hard it is to be healthy in Subway. You decide not to get the chips and drink, Jared, but they force it down your throat, Jared! They force it!
Finally, I made my way to Burger King, get Malik’s food, get home, figure out a way to carry all the crap inside in one trip. I’m walking up the walkway to our apartment, arms full. Two squirrels cross my path about 5 feet in front of me. I thought they were just going to dart in the bushes. Nope. They stop. In the middle of the walkway, turn, and faced me. If it were a Western movie, the camera would have zoomed in on the squirrel’s face, then zoomed in on my sweaty face looking all intense. The squirrels looked like they were going to pounce, down in the crouch position. Oh wait. That’s how they always look. At this juncture, I started talking to them. Yes, I had reached the level of anger that would cause a person to talk to squirrels. Finally, I parted the squirrel barricade, won the stand off, and made it inside unharmed.


miker said...

Em, Stop it! You're killing me! What kind of bread did you get, and who ate the chips? You're too much!

Love, Dad :)

Mom said...

Em, Have Chip and Dale cornered you anymore? Oh wait a minute, those were chipmunks. Maybe you should get a Davy Crocket hat and show those squirrels you are not to be messed with!! Thank God they didn't get your food because as we know it's all about the food.

Ikes said...

Just thought I'd complete the familia tri-fecta and leave a comment...

Boy am I glad those squirrels didn't show their faces while I was down there...word must a got around about the last squirrel that tried to dart across le ole' size 15!

Thanks for the hospitality!