Thursday, April 05, 2007

Emily vs. Carbonated Drinks

I don't like carbonated drinks. Never have. I drink water. And for the record, I was drinking water when it wasn't cool to drink water- before the big bottled water influx. Back in the day, places didn't serve water like they do now. I would be lucky to get someone to sell me a cup of ice and be even luckier to find a damn water fountain to fill up the cup of ice with some ice cool refreshing water. Yea, try being the girl at the slumber party who didn't want the Coke that came with the pizza. I've stuck to my water drinking ways and I think the carbonated drinks are finally out to get me.....

Last week I went grocery shopping, came home, and started to put the groceries away. As I opened the freezer, I was greeted by a freezer covered in brown slush. My loving boyfriend put a Pepsi in the freezer and it exploded. And it exploded brown slush all over. We (I) have since cleaned it up but there is still food in the freezer covered in the slush. Me, being the lazy and not liking sticky things on my hands person that I am, haven't eaten the ice cream in the freezer in a week because the carton is covered in slush. Its a good dieting technique. Dang you carbonated drink.

Yesterday, I started my new position at my job. One of my first tasks was to restock the fridge with water and Cokes. As I was taking a diet Coke out of its 6 ring plastic holder, the diet Coke next to it decided to jump ship. As the renegade diet Coke landed on the floor, the can exploded. I was wearing a skirt. It was a little bit like Marilyn Monroe when she stepped over the street vent and her skirt flew up ONLY my skirt didn't fly up from air. My skirt flew up because of the diet Coke spraying out of the crack in the can. 10 seconds later, my legs, hands, and face were covered in diet Coke spray. The walls inside the pantry were streaked in diet Coke.

I think I'm going to have to make a ritualistic sacrifice to the gods of carbonated drinks.

2 comments:

JenNY said...

After all these years of drinking water, the carbonated crew of beverages are exacting their revenge on you, one exploding can at a time. Beware Em, I hear Dr. Pepper has a special prescription for you. ..."just pack the ice down in there and drizzle a little pop on top."

lethes said...

i think i'd rather have a sneaky mouse in my house than scary, exploding drinks chasing after me. great way to make a first impression with the new job, em! (hey, who's the girl with the coke-stained legs? is she trying to looked tanned or something? puh-lease!)