Thursday, January 25, 2007

REAL classy, Atlanta

It took me an hour and a half to get to work today.
And as I started my journey at 8:30 this morning, while I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I thought there had to be a huge accident to basically turn 5 lanes of I-75 into a parking lot. As I sat in traffic still at 9:00 having moved only 2 miles in a half an hour, I thought not only was there an serious accident, but someone must have died in the wreckage. So I said a prayer. At 9:30, while being only halfway to work, I said a prayer for myself, as I was ready to murder someone. Finally, I arrive at work at 10am. And I check the news. There was no deadly accident. Here is the headline:

Motivational seminar, poultry convention jam downtown

A freaking poultry convention?!!? Bastards!!!!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


It would probably be easier to make a list of the Cincinnati Bengals who have NOT been arrested in the past year. I told a friend that I saw Michael Vick driving around Atlanta about a month ago. Her retort was "You have to be careful in Cinncinnati because if you see a Bengal driving around, there's a 95% chance he's drunk." NICE.
My favorite comment about one of the Bengals' players getting pulled over was from my cousin. He said that when they pulled over C. Henry, that his license was expired, his tags were expired, and he even had a gallon of expired milk in the back seat.
Nine players arrested in the past year. Good work Bungels. Good work. You all aren't the ones that have to live with a Steelers fan-thanks for your help.

What I've Been Up To

I seem to have forgotten that this blog is supposed to be about what I'm up to and not always about funny things that happen to me. Sorry that I haven't written in a while.

Last Saturday I got to watch an old VCR tape of Malik playing basketball in college. I absolutely loved it. It was Marshall vs. VMI. (VMI sounds like a disease- like an STD or something. Sorry, that was TMI) I didn't know that the VMI (Virginia Military Institute) called themselves the Keydets. Umm..WTF. Why not call yourselves the Cadets?? Whatever. It doesn't matter- Malik played for the Thundering Herd of Marshall and I'd say thats not much better. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the tape. At one point, Malik was fouled and fell on his back out of bounds. When he sat up, the camera was right in his face and he said, "Hi Mom!" What a cheese! I always tell Malik that he's famous and he always tells me that he's not. (He is)

In completely unrelated news, I have purchased two video games for Malik's XBox- games that I can play: Galaga and Joust. My brother and I used to play Galaga and Joust for hours when we were kids. (OMG! Galaga! When you can get the double or triple fighter jets! Love it!) Anyway, I've attempted to play these games recently and its not fun anymore. I'm sad. Brother, when you come visit, we'll have to play. Maybe its not fun because I'm not playing the games with you.

To my high school girlfriends in Fort Thomas, have a wonderful time in Gatlinburg this weekend. I'm sorry that I won't be joining you this time but can't wait to hear all the stories. Tell Darts I said hi. =) Miss you girls.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Things I hate....

I hate when it rains from Cincinnati to Atlanta and doesn't stop. (For those of you playing along at home, that would be 6 1/2 hours of driving in continuous rain)
I hate that I can never figure out the perfect interval speed for the wind shield wipers and that I can never, ever seem to figure out how to defog a windshield properly.
I hate when I stop to get gas in BFE, Tennessee and to my left is a tanker truck blocking the left exit and to my right is an old man who conveniently decides to back into a parking spot but only backs in 1/3rd of the way and is blocking the right exit. Fabulous.
I hate, while sitting at a sushi bar, the waiter, who keeps saying, "I'm sorry. I have short arms" keeps reaching past me, while putting his armpit in my face, to get sushi for his tables.

... but I do like seeing my friends and family, so its all worth it. ;)

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

A lovely afternoon of Starbucks etiquette and morons

I used the last 20 minutes of my lunch hour to walk to Starbucks for a latte. Its so damn windy, I basically get blown to Starbucks.

On my way there, I was entranced by a man that was walking in front of me who was so distracted by his cell phone, that he didn't realize the sidewalk had ended and he stumbles off of the sidewalk into the street.

Finally, in Starbucks, I am the fifth person in line. The lady behind me thinks that if she stands very close to me that the line will go faster. She is standing so close, in fact, as she raises her arm, she hits my purse. And as she lowers her arm, she hits my purse. With the second hit she said she was sorry and I wanted to turn around and say, “back up you stupid cow”. But I didn’t. I haven’t the slightest inclining why she was raising and lowering her arm, in the first place. I realize later that I think she was fluffing her feathered bangs. HOT!

After I ordered my latte, I went to look at Starbucks merchandise near the drink pick up counter. Purse Puncher goes and stands AT the drink pick up counter. Better yet, HOVERS at the drink pick up counter. The guy making the drinks, Eric, is quite possibly the most annoying barista I have ever encountered. He starts talking to Purse Puncher in a British accent and starts singing a song about foam. Christ! My drink comes up. Eric says, “grande triple non fat latte” and I start to approach the pick up counter to get my drink. Purse Puncher says, “no, I ordered a venti”. I wanted to say, “well, of course you did stupid cow because that drink is mine. Now, if you wouldn’t mind backing up for the second time!” But I didn’t.

On my way back, I was entranced by a man that was standing at a corner trying to cross the street but cross traffic had a green light. He was approached by a homeless man asking him for money and in order to avoid the homeless man, this jackass steps out into the street and almost gets hit by a car… twice!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Today's blog is Emily venting. If you don't want to hear me piss and moan please close the browser now and do not continue.
My first issue is Blogger. I edited and reposted my blog from yesterday about 47 times. Each time looking more jacked up than before. Why when I'm creating a post, to when I actually post on the blog, does the freaking format, picture placement, and spaces between paragraphs just seem to do whatever the hell it wants? I did not intentionally make 32 spaces between each paragraph in yesterday's blog. This is the kind of stuff that I lose sleep over. Get a life!
My second issue is buying car insurance. Before I moved to Atlanta, I was on my parent's policy aka my dad picked all the coverage blah blah blah. So, now I'm trying to figure out all of this insurance jargon and figure out what the crap coverage to get. The part that I need to vent about is that you can buy insurance to cover you if you are hit by an uninsured driver. What the hell? I understand that that kind of coverage is needed but... hey you slam into me, you don't have insurance? Oh! I'll pick up the tab. No problem- could you just give me a hand with my bumper and driver's side door? Yeah, just put them in the trunk.
And what else I hate about buying car insurance (since you asked), I feel like the minute I don't buy coverage for something, that uninsured something will happen to me on the way home from work. I suppose I will be slammed into by an uninsured driver on the way home today.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Aveda face wash can also be used as WD-40 in a "I need to get the bathroom door off" situation.

It is one of these contraptions to the left (or lack thereof) that gave my mom a little trouble today.
I called my parent's house today to talk to my dad about car insurance (thrilling) and my mom answers the phone. I hear extremely loud banging in the background.
"What's that banging?" I ask.
My mom replies, "I was stuck in the bathroom and grandpa is rehanging the bathroom door."
My mom is redoing the upstairs bathroom since Jeff and I have vacated the premises. Apparently my mom removed the door knob to do some sanding or painting or something and shut the bathroom door (sanding makes dust, you know) and PRESTO! ... she couldn't get out. As some of you know, my mom has a bit of an anxiety problem. Anxiety+being stuck in a bathroom=not good. So, apparently she harnessed her anxiety into rage. Macguyver, aka my mom, concocted a Aveda face wash and shaving cream solution to loosen the door hinges and managed to REMOVE THE ENTIRE DOOR from the hinges. Good God. She then phoned my grandpa, who came over to rehang the door.