Wednesday, December 27, 2006

If you like pina coladas...


Well, Christmas weekend in Cincinnati was a whirl. Lesson learned: Sunday Night Fever at Annies should be renamed Thug Teen Party. We couldn't even turn into Annies because there were so many cars cruising on the street, in the parking lot, in the grassy knoll across the street... all dressed up for a night out so Susan and I ... went ... home. Fabulous.

Sunday began at grandma and grandpa Ikers'. My grandma is having some serious memory problems so she was asking my grandpa who was in the kitchen. He said that Steve, Shelly, and Emily were in the kitchen. I, however, had moved seats and was not in the kitchen, I was sitting next to my grandpa in the living room. I wasn't going to say anything- didn't want to confuse anyone further. So, my grandma realizes that I am sitting across from her in the living room, and thinks that my grandpa is trying to trick her. She then (jokingly) says, out of frustration, "I should've divorced you a long time ago!" Jeez. I should've gone in the kitchen.

Monday, Christmas day, began with 10am mass and of course, mom and I manage to sit by the fast talker at church. Does every church have one of these fast talkers? Or are we the only ones that are blessed? Fast talkers are the ones that don't say the prayers with the congregation, they say everything real fast. Its like a contest to really, really challenge one's concentration. And if fast talker is successful in throwing people off around her, one side of the church is speaking faster than the other. Oh... its something to be heard. Really.

Monday at Grandpa Petracco's consisted of bourbon slushes and pina coladas. You know, I always say, nothing says Christmas like a pina colada. Instead of an umbrella, we should've put a poinsettia in it. Lovely. After a few drinks, karaoke followed. You know I was wrong- nothing says Christmas like pina coladas FOLLOWED by karaoke. Yikes. Well, I had to participate so I sang "Mountain Music" by Alabama (great Christmas song, I know)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I am not bringing sexy back.

There is a reason that I haven't gotten my hair styled at a salon for an event since 1994. The reason is hairspray. I was a sophmore, going to prom with a junior. I went to get my hair done with 2 other friends. My stylist put curlers in my hair, took them out, and my hair looked amazing. To my horror, she then took a brush and brushed my hair out into some God awful bouffont and proceeded to "lock in" the bouffont with probably a can of hair spray. Tramatic, I know. When I got home, I'm sure there were tears and I had to redo my hair myself.

With the chance of me being driven straight into the need for therapy, I made a hair appointment for last Saturday. I decided to get my hair styled for my firm's holiday party. Heather, the stylist (who will later rob me of my sanity), and me, the victim, discuss how I want my hair styled. She begins blow drying my hair with a big round brush. She then says that my hair isn't cooperating. Guess what she reaches for?! Oh yes! Devil in a can... Hairspray! As she is taking each section of my hair into the round brush to blow dry it, she sprays hairspray underneath each section of hair.

When she finished, it didn't look that bad. I just had really big hair. But apparently she had some type of animosity toward my hair because it wasn't cooperating with her earlier. She says, "Your hair is not going to move. I don't want it to fall" I'm thinking, "Noooooooo!" Cue the hairspray. Half a can. In my hair. So much in fact, my head had an atmosphere for a good 5 minutes after she was done. I was a walking flammable object. Here comes my favorite part. When the stylist asks "so... how do you like your hair?"

Went home, brushed it out, curled it... Voila! Beautiful.

Malik and I arrived at the party. He was looking very handsome in his suit and tie. I, with my big hair, looked pretty snazzy myself. It was quite crowded when we arrived and it was a little hot amongst all the people. As I was mingling, trying to make conversation, while worrying about where Malik was, if he was stuck talking to someone he didn't know, and it was getting hotter & hotter.... I was not bringing sexy back. I was bringing sweaty back. But, alas, my hair did not falter.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

the light bulb

For those of you who don't know, the law firm that I work for has been around for over 100 years. The firm has worked with Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, and the Wright Bros. In honor of our relationships with these inventors, our conference rooms are named Edison, Bell, Ford, and Wright. As many of you know, Edison invented the light bulb. So, it is with this fact in mind, that I find it quite humorous that the lights in our Edison conference room are not working.

Friday, December 08, 2006

My brother, the humanitarian












If humanitarian means freezing your balls off, then thats my brother. I'm sorry. I've lost you. My brother is raising money for Kentucky Special Olympics. And he is doing so by participating in the 2007 Polar Bear Plunge at Newport on the Levee in February. Before you get concerned, he will be jumping into a pool set up on the Levee, not jumping into the Ohio River. He has invited me to jump into the pool with him, but, alas, I have decided not my idea of fun. My idea of fun is to help him raise money. Click on the link for this website: http://kentucky-ohioplunge.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=209784&lis=1&kntae209784=4B4F66D6522A423496B3553F17048488


On the right side of the screen, click on Jeff Iker or on NKU Norse Polar Bear Society and you can make a donation. Jeff is in first place right now for donations and I would like to keep it that way. Thanks everyone!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

NOT the happiest place on Earth!

I went out with Susan and her mom last weekend and here is how my night went:
First off, we had been sitting there for a half hour and the waitress comes over and says those gentlemen over there wanted to buy you gals a round of drinks. So, OF COURSE, Susan and her mom get up to dance and I'm like fresh meat sitting at the table alone. (I don't know why I didn't get up to dance...) Anywho, so Crazy that bought us drinks comes over. From far away and in the dark he looked ok, but up close the guy looked like Walt Disney. I'm not joking. He looked like a young Walt Disney. And I'm pissed because he bought us drinks and I feel like I have to make conversation. Walt (I think his name was Toby, but we'll call him Walt) proceeds to ask how old I am and if I have children. I said no and then he says that I'm getting pretty old and I should really think about having kids soon. What moron says that to a girl in a bar? I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

While in the bathroom stall, I hear a bunch of commotion about a girl who has lost her purse. Turned out she didn't loose her purse, a lady had taken it off the bathroom sink while the girl was turned around drying her hands. The lady that swiped the purse (genius) didn't leave the bathroom... oh no.. she went and stood in one of the stalls. So, the girl that lost her purse, CONFRONTS the purse stealer in the bathroom and starts screaming DON'T STEAL, DON'T STEAL!! and runs out to get security.

Happy holidays.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Sushi as big as your head


Recap of recent events:
My firm had an opening party last Thursday. Actually, it was more like an opening gala. In preparation for the gala, I helped decorate our Christmas tree in the lobby. Which means I have fulfilled my Christmas decorating quota for this year. I hung a good 15 ornaments and I'm done. The party began at 5:30 and each of our conference rooms had different types of food. Don't worry, Mom, I filled up a plate in each one of them. I arrived at the room that had the sushi. Now this was not regular sushi, this sushi had an extra ring of rice around it. So-- delicious crab & veggie center plus 2 rings of rice around the outside.

Side note: one night while dining out with Mira and Coury, (sushi queens) I decided I was going to try a bite of sushi. "You can't just bite off a piece, " they said. "You have to put the whole thing in your mouth."

Meanwhile, back at the gala, I fill my plate up with 4 sushis and I'm standing in a conference room talking to Malik, one of our attorneys, and his wife. Following the advice of the sushi queens, I put the whole piece in my mouth. Ladies, you know that panic feeling that comes over you when you're in a dressing room, trying on clothes, and you get stuck in the clothes usually when its about halfway over your head? Yes, this is the type of panic that came over me when I put a piece of sushi the size of my head in my mouth at the law firm gala. I managed to stay calm and finish the monster. I found a picture of those suckers...
The rest of the night went exceptionally well.