Wednesday, December 27, 2006

If you like pina coladas...

Well, Christmas weekend in Cincinnati was a whirl. Lesson learned: Sunday Night Fever at Annies should be renamed Thug Teen Party. We couldn't even turn into Annies because there were so many cars cruising on the street, in the parking lot, in the grassy knoll across the street... all dressed up for a night out so Susan and I ... went ... home. Fabulous.

Sunday began at grandma and grandpa Ikers'. My grandma is having some serious memory problems so she was asking my grandpa who was in the kitchen. He said that Steve, Shelly, and Emily were in the kitchen. I, however, had moved seats and was not in the kitchen, I was sitting next to my grandpa in the living room. I wasn't going to say anything- didn't want to confuse anyone further. So, my grandma realizes that I am sitting across from her in the living room, and thinks that my grandpa is trying to trick her. She then (jokingly) says, out of frustration, "I should've divorced you a long time ago!" Jeez. I should've gone in the kitchen.

Monday, Christmas day, began with 10am mass and of course, mom and I manage to sit by the fast talker at church. Does every church have one of these fast talkers? Or are we the only ones that are blessed? Fast talkers are the ones that don't say the prayers with the congregation, they say everything real fast. Its like a contest to really, really challenge one's concentration. And if fast talker is successful in throwing people off around her, one side of the church is speaking faster than the other. Oh... its something to be heard. Really.

Monday at Grandpa Petracco's consisted of bourbon slushes and pina coladas. You know, I always say, nothing says Christmas like a pina colada. Instead of an umbrella, we should've put a poinsettia in it. Lovely. After a few drinks, karaoke followed. You know I was wrong- nothing says Christmas like pina coladas FOLLOWED by karaoke. Yikes. Well, I had to participate so I sang "Mountain Music" by Alabama (great Christmas song, I know)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I am not bringing sexy back.

There is a reason that I haven't gotten my hair styled at a salon for an event since 1994. The reason is hairspray. I was a sophmore, going to prom with a junior. I went to get my hair done with 2 other friends. My stylist put curlers in my hair, took them out, and my hair looked amazing. To my horror, she then took a brush and brushed my hair out into some God awful bouffont and proceeded to "lock in" the bouffont with probably a can of hair spray. Tramatic, I know. When I got home, I'm sure there were tears and I had to redo my hair myself.

With the chance of me being driven straight into the need for therapy, I made a hair appointment for last Saturday. I decided to get my hair styled for my firm's holiday party. Heather, the stylist (who will later rob me of my sanity), and me, the victim, discuss how I want my hair styled. She begins blow drying my hair with a big round brush. She then says that my hair isn't cooperating. Guess what she reaches for?! Oh yes! Devil in a can... Hairspray! As she is taking each section of my hair into the round brush to blow dry it, she sprays hairspray underneath each section of hair.

When she finished, it didn't look that bad. I just had really big hair. But apparently she had some type of animosity toward my hair because it wasn't cooperating with her earlier. She says, "Your hair is not going to move. I don't want it to fall" I'm thinking, "Noooooooo!" Cue the hairspray. Half a can. In my hair. So much in fact, my head had an atmosphere for a good 5 minutes after she was done. I was a walking flammable object. Here comes my favorite part. When the stylist asks "so... how do you like your hair?"

Went home, brushed it out, curled it... Voila! Beautiful.

Malik and I arrived at the party. He was looking very handsome in his suit and tie. I, with my big hair, looked pretty snazzy myself. It was quite crowded when we arrived and it was a little hot amongst all the people. As I was mingling, trying to make conversation, while worrying about where Malik was, if he was stuck talking to someone he didn't know, and it was getting hotter & hotter.... I was not bringing sexy back. I was bringing sweaty back. But, alas, my hair did not falter.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

the light bulb

For those of you who don't know, the law firm that I work for has been around for over 100 years. The firm has worked with Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, and the Wright Bros. In honor of our relationships with these inventors, our conference rooms are named Edison, Bell, Ford, and Wright. As many of you know, Edison invented the light bulb. So, it is with this fact in mind, that I find it quite humorous that the lights in our Edison conference room are not working.

Friday, December 08, 2006

My brother, the humanitarian

If humanitarian means freezing your balls off, then thats my brother. I'm sorry. I've lost you. My brother is raising money for Kentucky Special Olympics. And he is doing so by participating in the 2007 Polar Bear Plunge at Newport on the Levee in February. Before you get concerned, he will be jumping into a pool set up on the Levee, not jumping into the Ohio River. He has invited me to jump into the pool with him, but, alas, I have decided not my idea of fun. My idea of fun is to help him raise money. Click on the link for this website:

On the right side of the screen, click on Jeff Iker or on NKU Norse Polar Bear Society and you can make a donation. Jeff is in first place right now for donations and I would like to keep it that way. Thanks everyone!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

NOT the happiest place on Earth!

I went out with Susan and her mom last weekend and here is how my night went:
First off, we had been sitting there for a half hour and the waitress comes over and says those gentlemen over there wanted to buy you gals a round of drinks. So, OF COURSE, Susan and her mom get up to dance and I'm like fresh meat sitting at the table alone. (I don't know why I didn't get up to dance...) Anywho, so Crazy that bought us drinks comes over. From far away and in the dark he looked ok, but up close the guy looked like Walt Disney. I'm not joking. He looked like a young Walt Disney. And I'm pissed because he bought us drinks and I feel like I have to make conversation. Walt (I think his name was Toby, but we'll call him Walt) proceeds to ask how old I am and if I have children. I said no and then he says that I'm getting pretty old and I should really think about having kids soon. What moron says that to a girl in a bar? I excused myself and went to the bathroom.

While in the bathroom stall, I hear a bunch of commotion about a girl who has lost her purse. Turned out she didn't loose her purse, a lady had taken it off the bathroom sink while the girl was turned around drying her hands. The lady that swiped the purse (genius) didn't leave the bathroom... oh no.. she went and stood in one of the stalls. So, the girl that lost her purse, CONFRONTS the purse stealer in the bathroom and starts screaming DON'T STEAL, DON'T STEAL!! and runs out to get security.

Happy holidays.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Sushi as big as your head

Recap of recent events:
My firm had an opening party last Thursday. Actually, it was more like an opening gala. In preparation for the gala, I helped decorate our Christmas tree in the lobby. Which means I have fulfilled my Christmas decorating quota for this year. I hung a good 15 ornaments and I'm done. The party began at 5:30 and each of our conference rooms had different types of food. Don't worry, Mom, I filled up a plate in each one of them. I arrived at the room that had the sushi. Now this was not regular sushi, this sushi had an extra ring of rice around it. So-- delicious crab & veggie center plus 2 rings of rice around the outside.

Side note: one night while dining out with Mira and Coury, (sushi queens) I decided I was going to try a bite of sushi. "You can't just bite off a piece, " they said. "You have to put the whole thing in your mouth."

Meanwhile, back at the gala, I fill my plate up with 4 sushis and I'm standing in a conference room talking to Malik, one of our attorneys, and his wife. Following the advice of the sushi queens, I put the whole piece in my mouth. Ladies, you know that panic feeling that comes over you when you're in a dressing room, trying on clothes, and you get stuck in the clothes usually when its about halfway over your head? Yes, this is the type of panic that came over me when I put a piece of sushi the size of my head in my mouth at the law firm gala. I managed to stay calm and finish the monster. I found a picture of those suckers...
The rest of the night went exceptionally well.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I know my graphics suck...

Hello friends. I'm sorry I don't have any neat graphics to go with my post today. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I spent Thanksgiving with Malik's family. I met aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma... everyone was really nice and very welcoming to me. One of their family traditions is to play spoons. (For some reason everytime I tell this story, people ask if I'm talking about playing spoons on one's thigh- like a musical instrument. Ok. No.) My family used to play spoons too and we would sit a the dining room table, put the spoons in the middle of the table and pass the cards. So, I thought I was good to go with playing spoons with Malik's family until they started moving furniture out of the way in the living room. Huh? Everyone starts to sit on the floor in a circle, the game starts and I soon realize why we are sitting on the floor. As soon as someone grabs a spoon, people start lunging at each other and tackling each other trying to get spoons from people. Oh My God- what have I gotten myself into? So, I grab for a spoon and scream the whole time. No one touches me. I lasted 4 rounds and managed to make it out with my limbs and my life.

What does my basketball graphic have to do with Thanksgiving? Absolutely nothing. (Smooth transition)

I went and watched Malik play basketball last night. He has an amazing talent. I really love watching him play. At the end of the game, he dunked on someone. The gym went crazy! I just smiled and shook my head. I really wish that I could've seen him play in college.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Thanksgiving with Trolls

My brother is so clever and funny. Read the email that he sent to our cousins and me along with the attached picture:

Hello Everyone,
Just wanted to take the time on behalf of all our handsom and beautiful family members to wish everyone a great Thanksgiving.
I want to thank Laura for not growing her hair out any farther or perhaps my attendance at Thanksgiving last year may not have been documented.
Emily, where did you get the product to calm the sides of your hair? I want some.

Bro, it is not nice to make your sister snort at work. ;) Good one.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Cheer up, Charlie! Give me a smile!

Augh! The title of my blog is the stupidest song in a movie EVER! And it always gets stuck in my head! So, Malik and I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971 version) this weekend. I'm not sure why we watched it. I don't know if there wasn't anything on tv or if we couldn't find the remote or if we mutually, non verbally CHOSE to watch this movie. Malik was mad because I knew all of the dialogue and all of the words to all of the songs.

We also went shopping at some outlet malls north of Atlanta this weekend. I went a little crazy in the Banana Republic store but the prices were excellent! Poor Malik went to Nike, Adidas, and Puma and didn't find anything. :( so sad.

Malik and I also went to the Cheesecake Factory that just opened by our apartment. The wait to get in was an hour and a half to 2 hours. So... we waited. Good gracious! I'm telling you, being out with Malik is like being out with a celebrity. Everyone knows him. The Hightowers go out a lot in Atlanta (and frequent the other Cheesecake Factory locations) and there were servers, hosts, managers coming up to our table asking if we were doing ok and then one of the hosts says, "let me know next time you come in, and you won't have to wait." WHAT? First of all, who gets treatment like that? Second, where was this guy 2 hours ago???

Did anyone else notice that our weekend had a Factory theme?

So, I made tilapia on Thursday. I put this parmesan, mayo, butter concoction on top of the fish and broiled it. Malik asked, "what sides are we having?" I went into some long rambling speech about let me just worry about the main dish OK? I don't know what we're having for sides. So Malik picked up some sides from Winners. Baked beans, mashed potatoes, and macaroni & cheese. I missed the cooking class when baked beans went with fish. I guess maybe if you're camping. ANYWAY, so I make the fish. It looks and smells really good. We make our plates a la buffet style. I take my first bite.... the fish tastes like fish. The damn concoction does not mask the taste of the fish AT ALL. So I ask you, why in the heck am I putting butter, mayo, and cheese on top of my fish (hello extra fat and calories) and the fish tastes the same? I'm not giving up. Cheer up Emily! Give me a smile! AUGH!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I didn't feel like chicken last night.

An update to my loyal readers: I didn't cook last night. Dang! I can hear everyone boo and groan. Actually, Malik was happy. He doesn't like to play Rotisserie Roulette with his chicken. I did make some hot apples for Malik last night. That was uneventful, nothing to report there. Something I don't quite understand is how the heck my mom would work all day, come home, and put together a meal for 4 people by 5:30. A meal, people! A meal! I'm still working on the main entree. I went to Kroger after work, made the hot apples, then sat down and watched Dancing with the Stars (go Emmit!) and ate (I'm embarrassed to say) chips and salsa for dinner. Dang! Again with the boos and groans. Quit it! I was tired after searching and searching the aisles of Kroger for lemon juice. Oh, its not in the juice aisle, people! Anyway, Malik has been warned, I'm going to make fish tonight. I know, I know. I feel pretty confident in my tilapia making skills so I'm going to try tilapia first, then a chicken dish. Broiled Tilapia Parmesan is on the menu tonight, my friends. I promise to not disappoint. Ta ta!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A whistling girl and a crowing hen will always come to a bad end

Hide yer chickens! I'm cookin tonight! This should be interesting, my friends. Hopefully, I won't have the Colonel watching over me with his wee beady eyes. (No, Malik is not the Colonel! I'm talking about Colonel Sanders, silly people!) I will update tomorrow. That reminds me of a story. On spring break senior year of college, someone asked us if Kentucky Fried Chicken in Kentucky is called Home Fried Chicken. NOPE! On a non poultry note, I got a manicure on my lunch break today. I like it. And I also want to wish my mother good luck in her Funnybone performance this evening and, since I will not be there to defend myself, do not believe anything she says about her children. Have a nice day!

Monday, November 13, 2006

All skate: a phrase indicating that everyone must take part in a certain activity

I went out with Susan this weekend. I called her at 10:15pm and told her to get dressed, we're going out. We ended up leaving Susan's apartment at midnight (Suz, couldn't decide what to wear) and the club we were going to is 2 exits away from Susan's apartment. We got off the exit, everything is fine, we're cruisin along, and then we hit major traffic. It took us 45 minutes to go 2 city blocks. Our lane was bumper to bumper and Susan kept yelling "Its an all skate people! Let's go!". Meanwhile, there were literally cars driving on the sidewalk next to us trying to get to where they want to go. However, they were inhibited by those things what is it? Oh yes! TELEPHONE POLLS! Idiots. People were also trying to get over into our lane because the left lane was moving just fine, of course. People would pull up next to us with their blinkers on and Susan would yell "NO! NO! NO! You're not getting over!" I think the fumes got to us after awhile because I couldn't stop laughing. Finally, we got into the club at 1am. Then the DJ played Luther Vandross and Michael Jackson. Everytime Susan and I are out, and Michael or Luther comes on, Susan and I both scream and then Susan always hugs me. This is fun except when she's been drinking and she has a drink in her hand at that moment. Hello, drink down the back. We got home at 3am and then stayed up til almost 5am, just talking. It was fun.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Kentucky: Got teeth?

Contrary to the popular cliche, people from Kentucky do have teeth. Bro and I have a lot. We, in fact, have extra teeth if anyone else from Kentucky needs them.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

So, I eat my Lean Cuisine in the break room. Finish my lunch, get my headphones and decide that I'm going to walk the stairs in my office building for some exercise. My office is on the 21st floor and I walk all the way up to the 40th floor. Yea, I'm about to DIE. (I'm being dramatic, it wasn't that bad- I was out of breath but thats the idea when you exercise) So, I walk back down the stairs to the 21st floor. I'm a little sweaty and my legs are shakin a bit when I realize to my horror that G'DAMN DOOR (to my floor) IS LOCKED!! So, little miss "I want to exercise" (me) walks down to level 3, passes level 3, realizes that there aren't any more doors past level 3, walks back up to level 3. On level 3, I try the door, it opens and I'm ....... in the parking garage. What the? So, I find the elevator in the parking garage take it up to the lobby. Walk across the lobby to the elevator that goes to my floor and go back up to the office. And that was my lunch break.

Look at the size of that boy's noggin!

Aw my bro at the Bengals game. The Bengals lost to the Atlanta Falcons and bro cried himself to sleep that night on his huge pillow.
He also said that anyone that rooted for Atlanta or lived in Atlanta was an idiot. I think he was just bitter.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Why, Georgia, why?

I am creating this blog so family and friends can keep up with my doings in Atlanta. I am currently working at a law firm in Midtown Atlanta. The office building is brand new and is beautiful. I'm on the 21st floor. Its pretty fancy as you can see. I sit in the lobby and to my right are huge floor to ceiling windows and I can see for miles. This office is alot different than my roach infested basement office at the unnamed mental health agency that I used to work for.
Attached also is a picture of what the apartment complex looks like where Malik and I live. We are in the very bottom floor apartment (I like to call it the bunker). Our apartment isn't very far from an airforce base so we will often see huge planes flying over at very low altitude. This is a little scary to see at first but when I'm frightened I take cover in the bunker.