everything is funny in slow motion

Topic: Bad breath. You know that a person has bad breath when you can smell their bad breath.. and they're standing BEHIND you. Seriously. Gross.

So I had an eventful weekend. I was in Coury and Jesse's wedding on Friday. It was a beautiful wedding and such a fun reception. I was grateful to have been apart of it. Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Jesse Osbourne.

Saturday night Suz and I went out to Shout. It's becoming our new place but after our experience with people on Saturday, I think we need to take a break from Shout. On our way home, we decided to make a stop at McDonalds. We put everything under one order so when we got our bag of food, I asked for a spare bag so that Suz could put her food in a bag. On our way to Suz's house, Suz was trying to remove her food from the bottom of the big bag. All of a sudden, Suz's hand came out the side of the bag and we could not stop laughing. She finally got her food out and then she had to wrap the big bag on two sides. We were laughing so hard our sides hurt.

I'm going to be updating my blog a bit more because I'm going to be off facebook for a while. I needed a break from facebook.

please explain this to me

I went to the gym in our apartment complex last night to run on the treadmill. The gym has old school treadmills and a few newer treadmills that at least look like they were manufactured in this century. Anyway, only one of the newer treadmills was available so I walked over to it. As I made my approach, I noticed a green sign on one of the arms of the treadmill. The sign read something like this:



"Please do not pounce or slam down on this treadmill. Doing so will cause the treadmill to make a loud noise and disturb others who are working out. A nice, smooth pace will work best."



So, as I begin my run, I'm trying to imagine what in the hell one does in order to pounce or slam down on a treadmill? And as I'm running, I'm also now super self conscious about my stride. Am I pouncing? Am I slamming down? What happens if the treadmill starts making a God-awful noise and disturbs others? Should I just jump off the treadmill and leave? Well, apparently, I kept a nice, smooth pace and had nothing to worry about.

But seriously, I'm totally picturing someone like 5 feet from the treadmill, getting a running start, and jumping or "slamming down" on the treadmill. And what kind of noise does a treadmill make that may disturb others?

I am a walking Saturday Night Live skit.

So I wore a dress to work today. This dress is kinda snug and it definitely has no give in it whatsoever. The dress goes down a little bit passed my knees and since it's kinda of snug, I have very little range of motion with my legs. When I was leaving the apartment this morning and trying to get in my car, I could just barely lift my leg up enough to get into the car. Of course, on my way to work, I make my daily morning stop at Starbucks. I go in, order my coffee, come back out. Now I'm parked in somewhat of a confined space and I can't open my car door all the way. I open the car door, holding coffee, try to lift my leg up to get in the car and I can't get my leg in the car. So, I try sitting in the car butt first, but when I sat down, my dress was still hindering me from getting my legs in the car. Please keep in mind that I am still in Starbucks' parking lot and the windows at this Starbucks face the parking lot. Thanks. So, I'm sitting in my car with my legs out the door, still trying to get in the car. I ended up leaning sideways while in my seat and doing some type of air bicycle with my legs and finally was able to get in the car. Damn dress.

it's been awhile..

Well, I started playing softball again. I haven't played since I was a junior or senior in high school. I am a wittle wusty (a little rusty). I had 2 basehits in our first game and I played first base. I played decent and I hope that I'll get more comfortable as the season goes on. Yesterday, I went to the batting cages and in the cage next to me was a guy with 2 other girls. They weren't all in the cage together but the 2 girls were watching. Anyway, the guy finished batting and I came out of my cage to put another token in the machine and the guy said, "hey you looking to play softball?" I told him that I was already on a team and he said, "well, we suck and could use more people". Well damn. When I played last week, my first time stepping to the plate, the pitcher on the other team said "Look out y'all! It looks like she can hit". Well damn. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to write about with my upcoming softball adventures. Hopefully none of them will involve me losing any teeth. :)
So, I was at Subway tonight picking up dinner. There was a man in line in front of me. He was at the portion of the sandwich order when he tells how to dress the sandwich i.e. lettuce, tomatoes, etc. Well, I'm telling my Subway guy what I want on my sandwich and me and the other guy in line said "oil and vinegar" at the same time. The guy in line turned and looked at me and said "WHOA. We just had cross sandwichation." Oh for the love! Then he moved to pay and turned to me again and said, "You really sound like you know what you're doing making those sandwiches. I'm totally lost. You should be a Subway consultant." A Subway consultant? WOW. If anyone needs guidance putting together a Subway sandwich, let me know.

my boyfriend is my hero & i am an emotional basket case

There are wild cats that live in our apartment complex. Well, maybe they aren't wild exactly but I don't think they belong to anyone. One of the cats just had a kitten and we usually see the two of them around our apartment. Recently the mama cat and the kitten have been housing themselves under my car and Malik's truck. This morning when I was leaving, the mama cat ran out from under my car to under Malik's truck. I didn't see the kitten and I assumed that it was still under my car. I began to back out very slowly and I heard a screaming yelp. OMG! I just knew that I ran over the kitten. I began crying and called Malik, who was still in the apartment, and told him what happened. He said he would come outside and due to the fact that I was scared to move (my car or myself), I was grateful. To add another degree of difficulty, Malik pulled a muscle in his back last night at basketball. So, this man is trying to bend over to look under my car, trying to get on the ground to find the kitten with a pulled muscle in his back. He inspects every tire and sees nothing. He tells me to go ahead and back up. As I begin to back up again, we hear the screaming yelp again and I see the concern on Malik's face. However, when I hear the screaming yelp again, I scream and begin sobbing with my face in my hands... still in the car, still being too scared to move. Malik gets on the ground again, gets back up and asks me to pop my trunk. He pulls a blanket out of my trunk. (I'm still sobbing). He gets back down on the ground, stands up holding the blanket and walks over to the driver side door where I am.. in the car.. still sobbing. He shows me the kitten in the blanket and says, "See. He's fine. Everything is ok. It looks like you just got his tail." I managed to pull myself together. I will never forget the image of Malik standing next to my car with a kitten, tucked in a blanket, wrapped up in his big strong arms. .. and me sobbing like a 3 year old.